By Ben Bolch Los Angeles Times

12:27 a.m. EST, March 10, 2013
GOLDMEMBER


1. MIAMI (46-14)    Like Dr. Evil, Magic Johnson must boost $1-million offer to LeBron James. (1)

NUMBER 2

2. SAN ANTONIO (48-15)    Spurs’ success despite injuries means only Gregg Popovich is indispensable. (2)

3. OKLAHOMA CITY (46-16)    Protective cup sales “Serge” nationwide after low blow to Blake Griffin. (3)

4. DENVER (42-22)    Kosta Koufos dunk around Blake Griffin is payback for Timofey Mozgov. (5)

5. CLIPPERS (44-20)    Hey, Charles Barkley: Matt Barnes is as soft as industrial-grade carpet. (4)

6. MEMPHIS (42-19)    Playing power ball even with forwards Zach Randolph, Darrell Arthur out. (6)

7. INDIANA (39-23)    Danny Granger hopes next comeback is better than a “Friday the 13th” sequel. (7)

8. NEW YORK (38-22)    Sixth man J.R. Smith becomes top option with Carmelo Anthony sidelined. (8)

9. BROOKLYN (37-26)    If Mirza Teletovic can swing momentum, you must be playing Bobcats. (9)

10. GOLDEN STATE (35-28)    Klay Thompson’s three-ball doesn’t lie, unlike dad about son’s finances. (10)

MR. BIGGLESWORTH

11. ATLANTA (34-28)    Josh Smith’s friends save Kobe Bryant dunk clip for future roast. (11)

12. CHICAGO (35-27)    Bulls’ season was something out of “Airplane!” even before engine troubles. (12)

13. LAKERS (32-31)    Kobe Bryant says he fears bees but certainly not Hornets, Raptors. (15)

14. BOSTON (34-27)    Key to game against 76ers was bus driver getting Celtics to arena. (16)

15. HOUSTON (34-30)    There’s so little defense here that most trials end in conviction. (14)

16. UTAH (32-31)    Tiebreaker against Lakers won’t mean much once Jazz fall out of playoff chase. (13)