My first trip to a baby store probably would have been a lot better if I had just ended it with the baby gorilla suit.
Seriously, what’s not to love about a teeny, tiny gorilla suit?
A few weeks ago, I convinced Brandon that it would be fun to look at baby stuff, just to get an idea of what’s out there. We are weeks away from knowing a gender, and months away from baby’s February due date, so this trip was more of a fact-finding mission. What is out there, how much does it cost, and what do babies need?
The answer to all of the above: A lot.
But that all came after the gorilla suit, which I thought was a good omen for our day of browsing. We started in the clothes because, basically, they are cute and I like to look at them. Every single item of clothing made for a girl under the age of two has something ruffly on the butt. I did not know that was a rule, that parents of girls must put ruffles on their child’s behind, but, luckily now I do.
I also did not know that parents start shopping for Halloween costumes in late July, which should probably have clued me in to the madness that is baby merchandise. But it didn’t. I was still thinking about butt ruffles, I guess.
Anyway, I decided to look at the Halloween costume display even though Red Shoe Baby will not be here in time for Halloween, and I’m glad I did, because, let me tell you, we found a treasure. A bona fide treasure.
Dear readers, you will be pleased to know that gorilla suits come in infant sizes. And we all know, you can use a gorilla suit year-round. Maybe that should be our Christmas card next year — matching father-son (or daughter) gorilla suits.
So, we can check gorilla suit off the list.
Too bad car seats, furniture and strollers caused me to hyperventilate and have to leave the store.
I wish I were exaggerating, but I just didn’t expect all the options to be so overwhelming. I always thought of options as a good thing.
Now I know I was wrong.
I mean, how am I supposed to know if the $300 “travel system” is really better than the $75 car seat? And why does an infant need a “travel system” anyway?
I already felt like a bad mom, and my child isn’t even here yet. Brandon told me that the best thing I could do for Baby was to calm down, but, whoa, Nelly! The choices! I mean, all those choices!
Furniture was not much better. That was actually going well until I discovered that some cribs come with an attached changing table. For some reason, it was imperative that I decide right that instant which one would better, attached or separate changing table. Never mind the fact that we were nowhere near buying any furniture.
I asked Brandon which one he thought was better. He very diplomatically told me that he was confident whichever one I liked would be great.
No preference? He had to have a preference, because clearly one option is far superior, and our child’s future was resting in that one decision.
When I tried to explain that to Brandon, he actually thought I was overreacting.
And that is where our trip effectively ended.
We even left without the gorilla suit. The one sure-fire purchase, and we left empty-handed.
Good thing there’s always next year. Surely baby gorilla suits will be around for years to come. So practical, how could they not be?
